Once we pass the initial dating phase, most of us end up in what is known as the ‘honeymoon phase’. You know, that’s the phase where couples can’t stop being so happy and in love with one another. But soon, routines stabilize and reality hits, and our relationships become boring. Now we’re envisioning ourselves at the beginning of Issa Rae’s Insecure where Lawrence doesn’t make her feel special for her birthday and she’s looking elsewhere for entertainment. What couples probably don’t realize is that this happens in all long term relationships. At some point your relationship will peak and plateau simply as a result of ‘life’. But, there are still some ways to keep the spark alive and living your best life with your Bae.
5 Steps You Can Take
Step 1: If you are beginning to feel this way, identify if something is missing from the relationship. This could be a point where you want the relationship to move up a level. Have you been with Bae for years and are looking to get married? Are you thinking about children or a pet? Are you thinking about a major purchase such as a house? A Move?
Step 2: If nothing is missing or you are perfectly fine at that stage of the relationship, think back to what attracted you to this person. Did your mate do anything during the dating period that he/she isn’t doing any more like sending you that mix-tape of his/her feelings for you?, Does your mate have time for a random walk to the art market? Couples forget that relationships are continued works in progress that extend past the ‘impressionable stage’. You want to continue those little things that kept your Bae interested in you.
Step 3: Try something new! I understand that a mix tape can get old and so can flowers. So, do something you have never done before! Something that challenges the both of you to get out of your comfort zone. You had to do that when you were dating, so do it again. Go explore your city, go on a trip somewhere and get lost (safely!!!). But do it together.
Step 4: Ask each other questions. It takes about 2-3 years to truly get to know someone. Then, we change! Yes people, we always make the statement, “you changed!’ Well, it’s true. But, you can take the time to get to know the new you and your partner by simply engaging their mind. Our life experiences and the people in our lives greatly affect us. So talk about it.
Step 5: Lastly, if none of these things help, you may want to talk to a Therapist. Couples therapy as a way to do a mental checkup of your relationship is healthy and totally acceptable. Ask Gabrielle Union!